Beyond Words:
Nurturing Meaningful Bonds Through Human-Centered Communication written by Sarah O'Brien, featuring Dani Allen
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There are so many places and professions where building rapport is important. This is true of any healthcare provider-patient relationship, leaders with employees, coach-client relationship, front desk and customers, teacher-student relationships, freelance and consultant work. This term, ‘building rapport’ sounds so stuffy and official, yet it’s definition actually makes sense when talking about human-to-human interactions.
Some definitions of building rapport:
By these definitions it seems apparent that human-centered (and trauma-informed) communication might be the only way to build a healthy rapport with another person(s). What does it actually mean to be ‘human-centered’ in anything?
Some definitions of human-centered:
An approach or perspective that prioritizes the needs, perspectives, experiences, and overall wellbeing of human beings.
It is often used in problem-solving, designing and decision-making processes that involve human users.
Human-centered communication facilitates building rapport with others by using non-judgmental, non-biased, inclusive language. Learning to be aware of ourselves, the language we use, the biases we hold is the necessary first step to engaging well with others. If you are in a service or helping professional role, building effective rapport is essential if you want to provide the best care, or service to a person. Part of providing good care is knowing and understanding the context and circumstances for the person you are serving, and the reasons they’ve sought you out for assistance. Folks won’t do this, open up and share, if they don’t feel comfortable to do so. The main point of building rapport is to open up a safe pathway for someone to disclose information, about something, something true, authentic, and genuine for them. Dani Allen, Trauma-Informed Coach states, “At the heart of human-centered communication lies the key to authentic rapport—the bravery to be genuine.” So, for them to brave being genuine, you too, have to brave being genuine.
The term actualizing tendency implies the propensity for people to proactively grow, develop, and move toward autonomous and socially integrated functioning when the social-environmental conditions are optimal. This means that people will grow in healthy ways (or find healing for mental, emotional, or physical self) if the environment feels safe and comfortable for being challenged and stretched. However, when the social environment is not optimal (i.e. not safe, or uncomfortable), the tendency toward growth is thwarted, which could result in developing skills that are distorted in ways that can lead a person in a negative, often socially destructive, direction. If you’re in a type of work that’s for people, then this is not the outcome that you desire, and certainly is not the outcome that your client, customer, patient, employee or partner desires.
As human-service providers or workers, there needs to be an understanding that folks are seeking us out when they are not their best selves, when they are not functioning in the ways they prefer, when they are stuck or stagnant in making the change they want to see. It is here, in meeting them where they are, where our curiosity, active listening, and openness about them can help build trust. This brings us to another important piece for using human-centered communication to build rapport, which is building trust first, then rapport is likely to follow. Cultivating trust with a person, an organization, on a team, in a corporation is pretty necessary to also building effective, healthy rapport. If there is no trust, then folks won’t feel comfortable to share vulnerably the real deal, authentically. If there is no sharing, there really is no communication, at least no reciprocal communication, and without communication, rapport cannot be built. Dani adds, “Human-centered communication teaches us that rapport is not just about making people comfortable–it's connecting on a deeper level, through the honesty and authenticity that come from being fully present in our interactions.” It’s this authenticity that drives development of trust.
To cultivate trust between people, both have to engage in transparency, and be consistent. Invitation, curiosity, non-judgmental stance, open ended questions, empathy, active listening, consistency in behavior, opportunities for consent and choice, all increase access to pathways of safety for folks. It's really a culture of trust that leads to safety that leads to folks feeling comfortable to vulnerably share their stories, ideas, opinions, requests, or needs, in any space, with any people. Trust will erode if things are unpredictable and unreasonable. I have to cultivate trust as a major part of the therapeutic alliance between myself and clients. To assess for, and then provide treatment for, diagnosable mental health disorders, requires the client to open up and share honestly sensitive information about themselves, their current symptoms, and their current functioning. If they don’t feel safe and comfortable to do so, the treatment will not be as effective, which means growth and change are less likely to be outcomes. Some ways I do this in my private practice include communicating if I am going to be more than 5 minutes late starting an appointment, consistently; clarity in roles and responsibilities as outlined in informed consent, policies and procedures, and other initial paperwork, as well as discussed verbally in the first appointment to ensure things are clear, allow for questions, transparently answer them for added clarity as needed; doing my own therapeutic and healing work first, so as to keep my personal stuff (or unresolved stuff) out of the professional space, where it could cause harm. This last piece is about me as person doing my own work, first, so I can show up well and most optimally, in places and spaces with other people, whether they be clients, colleagues, or folks with whom I’m working on collaborative projects is extremely important. Self-awareness is a major component of engaging in any human-centered practices.
Doing your own self-work, becoming more self-aware and emotionally intelligent, are key factors in one’s ability to engage in human-centered communication well. So, final suggestion for improving in your ability to build rapport with use of human-centered communication is developing ‘soft skills.’ These are some of the most powerful tools you can have in your toolbox. Soft Skills are defined as “personal attributes that enable someone to interact effectively and harmoniously with other people” (Oxford Languages, n.d.). John DiJulius (2019) lists these attributes as authenticity, curiosity, listening, empathy, and appreciation for people. These often get taken for granted, and as a result, their importance in the process of rapport building is not emphasized. However, it absolutely should be! Dani goes on to say, “True rapport is forged not through mere politeness but through the courage of authentic expression. Human-centered communication invites us to be real, fostering connections that are deeply rooted in empathy and understanding.” Building rapport is not just about effectively applying learned skills, it’s about embodying those ideas and practices into your whole being. We can’t absorb and integrate information into actionable behaviors without self-work and self-awareness.
About the Authors:
Sarah F. O’Brien, a dynamic LCSW and trauma-informed expert, transitions from psychotherapy to coaching and consulting. She creates media content to destigmatize mental health, leads the Trauma-Informed Crisis Response Guide, and fosters collaborative, empowering relationships. Connect with Sarah on Linked-In.
Dani Allen Based in New York, Dani is the founder of Moment of Truth and a passionate subject matter expert and social impact catalyst for Integrate. As she pursues an Ed.D in Community Counseling Care and Traumatology at Liberty University, Dani expertly melds her knowledge in trauma with a zeal for visual and human-centered design. Her diverse portfolio spans individual coaching, corporate consulting, and forward-thinking design services, all anchored in empathy and comprehensive understanding. Dani’s approach marries academic depth with actionable insights, aiming to innovate the landscape of trauma-informed practices through intelligent design and impactful education.
Getting Vertifed By Integrate
Today’s world of mental health challenges, it’s important that we identify and lean-in to the skills we all need in order to support the complex needs that we need for ourselves AND for those in our care.
We see Trauma Informed Care as a set of skills as opposed to a set of objectives. We see it as behaviors we all need in order to birth a more compassionate world.
This is why we have set our skills and objectives that we can all grow into to build a system of care.
Integrate Verified means that you have demonstrated 80% competence in the following trauma-informed leadership skills in the area of decision-making and communication:
The skills:
Human-Centered Communication Skills:
-I can validate myself and others
-I can use motivational interviewing to move myself and clients into curiosity
I can use mirroring to help people feel seen.
My words and actions align, which makes my behaviors consistent.
-I understand race and culture impacts language and styles of communication
-I can use boundaries to make connections and create space holding containers
Trauma-Informed Decision-Making Skills:
-I can sense my own activations and emotions
-I can assess my own spectrum of safeness
—Promote personal agency for myself and others
-I can evaluate my own capacity and those on my team
-I can make equitable decisions based on capacity, personal agency and somatic/emotional awareness
Here’s the process:
1. Take our course: Driving Social Impact: A Human-Centered Approach to Decision Making and Communication
2. Fill out the application
3. Get peer 0reviewed by our team of vetted trauma 0informed professionals
4. Get the badge and be a part of our community of trauma- informed innovators!
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Integrate Trauma Informed Network Award-winning agile platform teaching human-centered communication and trauma-informed decision-making skills that empower human care providers and business professionals to build a compassionate and resilient workforce.