Soulful Choices: Empowering Personal Decision-Making Through Trauma-Informed Insights"
Strategies to help us hold ourselves and each other all at the same time
A few months back, Julie Johnson (Platform Owner and Co-founder of Integrate) and I had a lively LinkedIn Live discussion about trauma-informed decision-making through an organizational lens. (If you’re interested in viewing our chat, you can find it here). We centered on how individuals can leverage their own personal agency (a.k.a. freedom of choice) to access safeness when their stress response (a.k.a. nervous system activation, formerly known as a ‘trigger’) kicks in…and really when it kicks it at work, or at some other organization or group setting. Folks often feel a lack of choice, or actually do have limited choices, in certain situations or settings, like workplaces. There are rules, regulations, guidelines, and expectations that don’t always align with personal safety/safeness. So, how can you find grounding again with few to zero external, or imbedded, options available?
The very first piece is understanding yourself and what an activation of your stress response system looks like. Self-awareness is always the first step in trauma-informed anything, especially decision-making. We cannot make sound, trauma-informed decisions, for ourselves or others, if we are not self-aware. Using trauma-informed principles such as mindfulness and curiosity (rather than judgment) can lead us down a path to understanding our activations and the stories we tell ourselves about those activations. Amy Camie, Certified Clinical Musician, vulnerably shares her experience with learning about herself and her activations. She says this, “spectrum of safety and window of tolerance are relatively new concepts for me as I was raised in a family who loved unconditionally. Conflict and arguments were not part of my upbringing, so as an adult, I lacked the skillset to even recognize how my body and nervous system were reacting, let alone do anything about it. Often, my unconscious response to conflict was to please (or fawn) in order to create a sense of safety or control. I didn’t feel safe confronting conflict because my fears of abandonment (I’m adopted) controlled my actions." When we cultivate mindfulness—present-minded awareness—we become a better read on our own stress response, which allows for early detection and wider space for accessing safety. Being aware of your body, and physiological sensations, is paramount in determining what is ‘safe’ for you. This is an individual choice and experience. What is safe for me may not be what is safe for you, that’s why allowing for personal agency in workplaces is so important to claim having a trauma-informed environment. Choice and consent are two other major pillars in trauma-informed principles. Even if choices are limited, as stated, there are likely still individual choices you can make that are trauma-informed decisions for SELF.
Applying trauma-informed decision-making to ourselves may not be intuitive for most people. Even trauma-informed professionals, like myself, have to intentionally work at applying these ideas to self when we notice our bodies are re-experiencing our past trauma. Or when we feel activated. Or when we’re stuck. Being kind and compassionate, being curious and open, pausing to evaluate capacity and choices, is being trauma-informed…this is what it looks like in action! Amy Camie adds, “Becoming aware that we do have the power to make loving choices for ourselves is what I call ‘Conscious Self-Care;’ even if that choice is as simple as focusing on our breath. It’s about turning the mirror and focusing on ourselves, not in a selfish way, but rather in a ‘I see me and I matter’ way. It took 2 breast cancer diagnoses for me to finally slow down and focus on myself. My innate patterns of taking care of others to feel safe still present themselves in unexpected ways. Being conscious and aware of my personal agency is a moment-by-moment journey.”
I love how Amy says self-awareness is a ‘moment-by-moment journey.’ We can’t always assume what worked before will work for us in this situation. We must learn to pause and consider ourselves (I call this a self-inventory) and what our needs many be right now, in this moment. The pause is important. Why? A pause allows space for making a plan, finding a pathway towards safety. Amy, a trauma-informed professional, clearly outlines how she’s done her own work in this area. She says, “When I find myself in a place of uncertainty, I consciously pause, stay open, and ask questions. Feeling safe not-knowing is a relatively new experience for me. As I gain more personal agency and am truthful with my feelings, it’s easier to stay open instead of feeling vulnerable.” Learning to pause gives us space to make a plan.
What’s more helpful? Having a plan already laid out for use when needed, at least as a solid jumping off point of choices. A wellness, or safety, plan (that’s what we call it in the mental health world, safety plan is the term I often use with psychotherapy clients) would have options that WORK FOR YOU when you get stuck. Anyone can create a road-to-safety wellness plan, in fact, we encourage it! Despite the culture, mission and values, or regulations at your workplace (or faith community, or social club, or volunteer organization), you can curate a plan that makes sense for you and your needs. A few examples include: having access to water/taking a drink of water; having access to tea/taking a drink of tea (or whatever beverage); taking a break/going to lavatory; deep breathing; fidget or calming items; stepping outside for fresh air/earth grounding; releasing tense muscles; doodling/drawing; stretching/re-positioning to get more comfortable; placing hand on chest, belly, legs (or somewhere that feels soothing for you). If you have more time or freedom, the choices could be more elaborate. Amy gives us some other options: “Some of the ways I self-regulate is by slowing down my breath, diffusing essential oils, using more natural products, having a water bottle handy throughout the day, stepping outside to feel the sunshine, and taking short walks to clear my head. Of course, playing music always brings me back into the moment.”
Do you know what works for you? Can you give some of these options a try?
Trauma-informed decision-making applied to self is imperative to being an effective trauma-informed leader. If you 1) are not self-aware 2) do not understand your activations 3) do not know what helps you regain safeness within yourself/your body 4) can’t evaluate your own capacity and 5) cannot/do not feel comfortable making an individual decision to return to your baseline (physically, mentally, emotionally) then it’s not likely that you will lead, manage, supervise, or educate others well. Trauma-informed decision-making is knowing where you end and others begin. It’s setting personal boundaries in professional settings because that’s what honoring yourself and your nervous system means. Understanding your own limits and capacity, and when you’ve reached the maximum, and communicating that effectively to others, and then doing something differently (or changing course and no longer doing that thing at all) to reestablish your felt sense of safety, or equilibrium, as a result of recognizing when you’ve reached your capacity is a game-changer in the world of leadership. This is not the current reality. This is the way of the future…a trauma-informed future…a trauma-informed future for all! And it starts with YOU! Spend time learning and practicing trauma-informed decision-making skills for yourself, as this is an excellent place to begin your trauma-informed applied knowledge journey.
How can you learn more?
Check out this visual for ‘window of tolerance’
Check out this visual for the ‘5 step Trauma-Informed Decision-Making Process’
Check out the full LinkedIn LIVE with Julie Johnson & Sarah O’Brien here
Amy Camie recommends reviewing the work of Lisa Feldman Barrett. She states “she has become one of my favorite neuroscientists as she deepens the conversations about our predictive brains and brain budget. These two ideas have helped me evaluate my capacity to deal with daily situations. Do I have enough energy or brain budget to say Yes to something? For example, having a conversation with someone at a particular moment may take more energy than I have at that moment. Being aware of this, empowers me to say, “I don’t have the energy to engage in this conversation right now. Can we revisit it later?” This is something I would have never said in the past for fear of being rejected or judged. Now, it’s a conscious self-care choice based on my ability to evaluate my capacity—and it feels loving and empowering!”
Check out more on how the brain works according to Lisa Feldman Barrett here
Stay tuned! Next month we’ll dive into Trauma-Informed Decision-Making for Leadership and looking at how to make trauma-informed decisions for groups, teams, organizations.
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